Growing Up Online: What the Internet Is Really Doing to Our Children

When I was in school, the internet was a place we visited. Today, for children, it is a place they live in.

As an alumnus, and now as an adult observing children grow up in a fully connected world, I feel both hopeful and concerned. The internet is one of the most powerful tools ever created, yet it is quietly shaping young brains in ways many of us do not fully understand.

This article is not about blaming technology. It is about understanding how young minds interact with it, where things go wrong, and how we can guide children to use the internet wisely rather than dependently.

The young brain and why it is different

A child’s brain is still under construction. Attention, self control, emotional regulation, and decision making develop gradually and mature only in late adolescence. This matters because the internet is designed for speed, novelty, and instant reward.

Every video, notification, or game level releases dopamine, the chemical linked to motivation and pleasure. When rewards arrive too quickly and too often, the brain starts craving stimulation without effort. This is where imbalance begins.

Overuse and underuse

Overuse is not only about screen time. It is repeated exposure to fast, reward heavy content without breaks, reflection, or real world engagement. Children may show reduced attention span, restlessness when offline, poor sleep, and difficulty enjoying slower activities. This is not laziness. It is conditioning.

At the same time, complete restriction is also harmful. The digital world is now part of education, communication, and future careers. Children who never explore it may struggle later with confidence and responsibility online. The goal is not avoidance, but guidance.

Dopamine and the effort problem

Dopamine is meant to reward effort. Study, practice, patience, and problem solving should come first, reward later.

The internet often reverses this order. Reward becomes instant and effort optional. Over time, children avoid tasks that need sustained focus because their brain expects quicker rewards. Homework then feels unbearable after endless scrolling or gaming. The brain is not weak; it is being trained differently.

How care takers unintentionally contribute

Most parents/guardians introduce screens with good intentions. A phone to calm a child, videos during meals, games as rewards. Slowly, screens become comfort tools and emotional escapes.

When boredom, sadness, or frustration are always replaced with a screen, children never learn to sit with those emotions. Another common mistake is unrestricted access without guidance. Giving internet access without teaching responsibility is like handing over a vehicle without driving lessons.

So what is the right way?

There is no single rule, but there are strong principles.

Purpose
The internet should be a tool, not a pacifier. Learning, exploring interests, creating, and researching should be encouraged more than passive consumption.

Effort before reward
Screen time should follow effort. Homework, play, physical activity, reading, or creative work must come first. This restores a healthier dopamine balance.

Structure
Fixed time and fixed place matter. Random access creates dependency. Scheduled usage builds discipline.

Participation
Internet use should not happen in isolation. When parents watch, discuss, and learn alongside children, secrecy reduces and awareness grows. Children copy behaviour more than instructions.

A shared responsibility

The internet is not going away, nor should it.

Internet is like a very sharp knife. We can either cut ourselves or use it skillfully. The hand holding the knife must be steady enough to make intentional and useful cuts.

Training the mind to control such sharp tools is far more important than blaming the tool itself.

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